Stars

It is overwhelming, that vast gulf of emptiness between a thousand points of light. And, it is not a blackness, but the color of mourning. A deep blue that borders on the black- overcomes the black- to be a deeper, darker color. And, how deep? Deeper than the Ocean? I know not, but can only hope that it is deeper than the depths of my soul. There are times, My precious Lady, when my smiles are just a memory on my face and no true reflection of myself and I pray to all the Gods in the heavens above that deepness, that dark and mourning color, is not a pale reflection of myself. And, even now, I fear those prayers will all be answered against my deepest hope. That yes, I am so hollow as the sky, with nothing and no one to fill it with me. Even this kind of feeling would be better with another. Even if miserable and dead inside, it would be with another who knows.

Too Long

Too long has it been since I last wrote here. A promise I broke to myself, that I would post once a week. I forgot you, layed you to the side- the path forgotten for meadows. That is often the way of a forgotten path, but its there when you go back. Sorry, so sorry, that I have missed you and lost you- left you to the side.

Men in Cages

Caged like animals, men get a certain look. Pacing back and forth in concrete lined boxes. In beds that are little more than planes of steel with a bit of foam on top. Its a strange thing, to see and experience it- even if from the other side. If it were I, I would run the sink night and day, I think. The sound of rushing water to calm myself- to focus on while all grew quiet and still. Painfully still in my tiny box. Nothing to do but pace.

A better me.

We all get lost at times, forget where we are. One thing I always try to remember is the fact that there is a something out there greater than myself. I won't go to name it- but whatever it is, it likes me. Everything works out for me. Every experience seems to be there for me to lay back and learn and become a better person.

Damn Cows

There is a place that flowers go
When the lights are off
When the moon is low
Closed and in dreams
My hopes aloft
Dashed by cows
Moo & Munch

Light Also.

At times it seems that sadness is eternal.
Light, also.

Rising Tumult

A soft hiss, a whisper. Unseen, hardly heard- a barely audible scream.
A slow build to a rising tumult. Growing now, into loudness and light.
Ascending to transcendent melodies the noise becomes a rhythm.
Birds chirp, sing a song of new praise for a long lost love.

Welcome Back, Oh Sun! Forever has it been since we heard your song.
Welcome Back, Oh Sky! Journey forever in azure.
Welcome Back, Oh Song!

Darkness creeps, night falls and stars exhume.
Though cold, and quiet, the cacophony of darkness is there.
Quiet cacophonic symphony.
Whispered Secrets.

An Eventual End

It is strange how often my passion and my pain are one in the same.
My Addiction kills slowly and the overdose is one of eventual failure.
Heart. Liver. Kidneys, all might fail. Too much joy in the blood to clog and clot.
Then, there is the hate which spirals from the top to bottom and is rocketed up again by some unseen and unknown force. Like a yo-yo, or a bounced ball. Up and down, violently and without true control over myself. It is a failure of another sort.

And there is more that I do, but among these failures is often a need for a betterment of the self. Every small victory celebrated, and it must or I will be unable to cope with life. There is a time in which I think I might explode. I don't know why I don't stop- say to myself, I no longer hunger. It seems an almost impossible thing for me to do at times and that is perhaps the most annoying aspect of all of this.

'One Step Back, I remain removed from myself. Watching as I do so many things which bring an eventual tide of shame. There is no moment but now- and I am unable to effect it. It is just out of my reach, no course to smack away those things that kill me. Emotionally or Physically.'

The Light In Me

The light in me recognizes the light in you. Also, the darkness.
For I can not see in you what I have not seen in myself.
Your joys are echoes of my joy. Your pains echoes of my pain.
You faults are mine, magnified by the lens of my own eyes.
Verily, without my faults it would be impossible to see them in others-
Because we are all wrought from the same divine image.


In the firing of the Sacred Clay we were all burned. Damaged.
And the world we live in is broken-
The Meaning of Life is to heal the world.
The Meaning of Life is to fix yourself- to repair the damage.

Seriously, I'm telling the truth!

Truth is something I will never know. Absolute Truth, distilled to its finest property is the stuff of divinity. The best I'll ever get is 'I swear. I'm being really, really honest!'